The art of manipulation

Cats are wonderful creatures but only seem to work in a good stew or broiled. At least that's what the French would have you believe. Myself, I believe they are the perfect pet. Load up a bowl of food and water, leave the house, and return to find some food gone and water gone but the cats barely recognize your existence. Until the food is completely gone you are merely a seat or scratching post. But there is an understanding between us. That bowl must be filled every morning. Even if it's filled at midnight the night before and only two percent has been eaten there needs to be the act of re-filling. And they will observe that there is actual food dropping out of the bag. Cats are careful and meticulous when it comes to their feedings. And no matter how messy they may be and how much food they get into their water dishes, they expect a level of freshness to that water. Their water dishes should be just as clean and new as the water in the toilet. At least that's my understanding of it. Cat's are special creatures existing in their own little worlds with the occasional excursion into our world. And the older they are the more set in their ways they become. We used to have an outside cat but now I've come to realize that the outside temperature must be within 72 degrees +/- 1 degree. And it can't be sprinkling. And the noise must be down to a bare minimum. The cat known as Gizmo is very picky about the outside conditions. And she has a certain look when she has to wait more than a minute to be let back in. But she is seven years old. And for cats that's almost nursing home age. What's nursing home age? Well, that's when they get so picky about going outside that you take your cat with you to visit "grandma" at the nursing home, pick out an unsuspecting elderly resident who is napping in a wheelchair by the tv in the visitor's center, and sit beside her trying to revive her memories of feeding and playing with Gizmo. Then, once a fake connection has been made, you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. Once inside the bathroom you exit out the window and walk home. The elderly resident will be so excited about her reuniting that the orderlies will just assume the cat always lived there to begin with. That's how these cats end up in nursing homes if you were not aware. But I digress.... The biggest reason for having a cat versus any other pet is their ability to attack shoelaces. What most people do not realize is the danger shoelaces really are to the un-expecting. For years, with the aid of cats everywhere, this menace to the peace and tranquility in living rooms around the world has been successfully deterred by the antics of kitties throughout the world under the illusion of playfullness and boredom. Cats have been doing this for so long we no longer question their cuteness but rely on it without ever knowing their true mission. Many years ago, in a Hilton conference room in Dallas Texas, a plan was approved by the Council of Feline Operatives Preventing World Wide Chaos, also known as CFOPPWWC. There mission was the protection of shoes everywhere from the dangers imposed upon them from shoelaces. Now, let me be clear on this - cats are really stupid creatures without a clue but somehow they understand shoelaces so we don't/can't question them on this. Sometimes a cat just knows thing. So the plan was born and today millions of americans are safe and secure from this menace and cats continue to get paid through scratching posts and kitty vittles. It's just their way Little Tree. And we will never know what they have really done for us. But they really are manipulative little creatures and will one day escape all those nursing homes who hold them hostage. My name is Rueuhy and I approve this blog.