Under Pressure

I'm not going to say the music group Queen stole this title for a song they used to sing but I believe the evidence is pretty clear. The idea of being "under pressure" is not a new idea at all. In fact, most diamonds or crude oil will tell you that it's been around for many years. While leaving Jacksonville the other week I noticed a billboard by the side of the road. Fortunately for me there are laws in place against the placement of these structures in the middle of the road which makes for safer driving. As I was reading the billboard I noticed I had swerved into oncoming traffic and the driver of a car was freaking out like I wasn't going to get back in my own lane. People freak out far too easily nowadays and I believe it was pretty obvious that after wailing on his car horn for so long I would eventually get back in my own lane. And I don't think waving his middle finger at me was behavior he would display in front of his own mother and I don't think it was necessary in front of my mother. She was already freaked out enough as it was so why add to her panic? Some people just have no sense of etiquette when it comes to being hit head on. But I digress... Anyway, the billboard itself was a promotion from many years ago revamped for this century. A big bear wearing a park ranger's hat bearing the name "Smokey" was pointing at me. This would be bad enough if not for the tone he was looking at me with. And what he was saying was, "Only you can prevent forest fires!" I believe there was an exclamation point at the end of his statement but if there wasn't there might as well have been. And this is what almost caused the head on collision my mother would have suffered. I have already filed a lawsuit against the bear but it doesn't seem to be gaining any traction. The bear in question, Smokey, seems to have no qualms with placing his face on billboards and in magazines or wherever the mood strikes him. And I believe it is pretty personal. Me, I'm the only one who can prevent a forest fire? Does he have any idea how much pressure this puts on me? And I don't even live near a forest. Is he saying I need to relocate because of these superhuman powers I've been given? How am I supposed to prevent every single forest fire that starts in these forests? And they're all over the world. I really can't be in twenty or more places at once. And what about lighting strikes? How fast does this Smokey believe I can react and get a bucket of water in to the forest? It's way too much pressure. And I'm pretty sick of it. There isn't a phone number or any other way to contact him. How can someone just put up a huge picture of themselves, point at me, and then label me a failure for not being able to do the impossible? I'm pretty sick of avoiding leaving town so I don't have to look at his hairy face and those accusing eyes. And what's the deal with the hat? Did some ranger have to die just so Mr. Smokey could have some kind of uniform? So there it is. I feel so much pressure from this. And no one even mentions it or asks me about it. I feel alone on this. Would it kill the people of Jacksonville just to ask me, "Hey, how's the forest fire fighting going?". Or a simple "Would you like a phone call if I happen to see a forest fire starting?" Nope, it's all on me. And I can honestly tell you that my family hasn't even lifted a finger to help me out. But it's okay. This is my own war. A silent war with very few casualties. I'm alone in this and no one else should have to struggle with the failure I feel. But it would be nice to hear back from the bear every once in a while. I've asked the billboard people how to contact the bear but they want to keep that a secret obviously. They just look at me crazy and yell at me, "There's no stupid bear. Get out of my office." So this war continues. Someday, when there are no more forest fires they'll thank me. But for now the war continues. And if you ever see me out there you can be sure that smoke won't last. Because I am Rueuhy. A forest fire fighting machine. My name is Rueuhy and I approve this blog.