Why Can't We Get A Cat Into Space?

It was all over my blinkfeed.  Persian cat to be shot into space by Iran.  The concept seems simple enough.  Build a rocket.  Fill it with a toilet (for water) and several large bulk bags of Meow Mix. The scientists will have to cut the bags open and then there's the matter of who's gonna clean the litter boxes when the cat splashes down.  Now, for some of you, you're thinking - "Oh, another fantasy story by Rueuhy."  But this one is true.  Iran hopes to send their best nominee for space exploration (sources do not know the name of the actual cat) and chose the feline after extensive testing.  PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) was furious.  "Iran's archaic experiment... is a throwback to the primitive techniques of the 1950s," the animal rights group's spokesman Ben Williamson said.  Not everyone felt the same.  Ben Nelson, the spokesman for Bob Barker at the DJ&T Foundation, had this to say - "If pet owners can't take the time or money to have their pets spayed or neutered, we see this a step in the right direction. Pet populations have to be held to a minimum and we see this as a reliable alternative."  There was a mixed reaction from other foundations and countries as well.  Janice Fellhower, the assistant to the press secretary for Tony Abbott, the newly appointed Prime Minister of Australia, had this to say - "Australia remains a proud and industrious country.  Efforts are underway to launch our own cat into space and we will send an Abyssinian of the finest line of felines as a symbol of the greatness of Australia."  The wife of Kim Jong-un, Ri Sol-ju, at a press conference in Pyongyong, speaking to a reporter, had this to say.  "This move by Iran can be seen for its immaturity and evasiveness on the world scene.  Everyone knows Persian cats hate to travel.  We see this as another declaration of war on North Korea and they just made the list."  Others, in a more friendly and enlightened mood by Iran, found the news to be cute and adorable.  Jim Bob Cyrus, the cousin of Billy Ray Cyrus, overheard Miley Ray Cyrus tell her hairdresser and choreographer the following - "I love kittens.  They're even cuter than I am.  But they can't dance.  They really can't dance at all.  But Persians are really no better than other breeds.  They're just so ... strange."  And finally, at the White House, at the latest press conference on the subject of the White House's lack of press conferences, Jay Carney had this to say -  "The Iranian's ability to launch Persian cats at long range is seen as a threat and we are looking into all aspects of the repercussions such a launch would mean for relations between the United States and Iran.  If they choose to launch Persian cats the United States will reply with a retaliatory launch or our own.  We have notified the United Nations of our position on this threat and we are commencing drone surveillance on all animal shelters within the Iranian borders.  We will not be found asleep at our post on this one.  We will do whatever is required to combat this latest threat from within this region.  We have cats of our own."  No replies were made in connection to the press conference from Iranian officials.  My name is Rueuhy and I approve this blog.