I can't remember when I became fascinated with the concept and truth of death but it's been many years now since I first contemplated my own existence and demise. There are many ideas and thoughts on what happens when a person completes this life and what awaits them afterwards. There are some who believe that we merely don't exist anymore. They believe that our bodies and minds stop and we cease to exist. There are others who believe it is a migratory step into a new existence via morphoses into a reincarnated state. Then there are those who believe that we exist beyond this mortal world and our soul takes flight into an eternal existence. Some believe that eternity exists in a heavenly state and there is no penalty or punishment for one's prior actions, thoughts, or lack of action in doing what's right or making life better for anyone outside of him or her self. Heaven merely is the reward for living whatever years one has lived and successfully maneuvering through that life. Than there are those who believe that rules are set by the boundaries of a religion and the outcome of their soul is based upon their loyalty to those rules. If they are successful in this life at following their religion they will be rewarded with entrance to a form of heaven taught by their religion. If they have failed then they enter into a form of hell which is also defined by their religion. There are also others who believe there is an intermediary state that exists for the soul that allows for further testing or is subject to the actions of others in obtaining freedom from a purgatory which allows migration into a better state such as heaven. I believe this is a brief synopsis of the many different beliefs people have. I am sure there are many variations and possibilities that people believe but for the majority these are the common theories and beliefs. For myself, I am a christian in my beliefs and I do believe that a savior was born on this earth and my only way to heaven, after my death, is through my belief in the sovereignty in the perfection of a Messiah and His name is Jesus. That is my own personal belief and I believe this to be absolute truth. But, this post is not really about my own personal belief but rather that last minute of life we live before the finality of death in our mortal form. The last minute is what I'm really focusing on and I hope you can continue to follow this post even if your belief differs from mine. The thing that really amazes me is how full life really is for us. I know every individual lives a different life and experiences a dramatically different perception of how that life has unraveled for him or her. Some feel an immense joy and others feel an immense suffering. For some, laughter is an everyday occurrence and for others depression never allows that smile to surface. We are as diverse as grains of sand but we are all the beach. Our lives, in sync with the world as a whole, form a symphony of riddles and stories and puzzles that completes a complete world. Without a single individual, when that individual's life has intertwined in the concert that continues to play with millions of variations and overtures from births and finales from countless deaths, the music seems to be a little ... quieter. Each note which is a person's life strikes a balance and harmony that we rarely perceive with clear vision. For we usually focus on our own life and expect the song to continue from our own intention. I find myself so guilty of this that I usually need a reminder from loved ones that I'm the one out of tune. To even reflect on life and how deep and inexplanatory it really is, is a lesson in futility. For life really is impossible to define or summarize. Some of you may disagree and I'm ok with that. Life itself has been discussed so much that many find the discussion rather boring because of how vast and detailed such discussions must be. But for me, pondering such a vast and detailed notion of the meaning of life for these past years, the most fascination detail is that last minute. How do we, as creatures - living entities, which defies a total understanding of who we really are and the extent of being such beings, just cease? That last minute of life, filled with so many capabilities and possibilities, ceases and is no more. Why does that one seem the most critical of all the minutes we have experience beforehand? From our exit of our mother's womb to the last electrical pulse relaying information in our brains, that last minute seems to be significant. The memories of a completed life all lay before us but which one will form a bond with our conscious thoughts in that last minute? What undone task will we focus on in that last breath? Will there be a feeling of completion or a feeling of laziness in our inability to complete the important things? As I've said before in my multitude words of rambling in previous posts, I am driven by answering the "why" of things. From the mechanical to scientific, historical to future, I like finding out the "why?". I believe it is the very reason I do what I do because I just can't really focus on anything else. On my deathbed, if such is such for me, I believe that last minute of life will be filled with my own versions of the "why" for many things. If I know myself, and I do have some experience in that area, I will want to know the "why". It has driven me for most of my life but I am limited by my own comprehension of the clues. If anything, my greatest hope, in that moment, is the answer to so many things that retain their secrets in this life. The wonder of moments past, such as creation. The reality of life itself rather than the foggy mist which covers our eyes from the version we tell ourselves to get through each day. Even mundane things like "what's my cat really thinking?". It is my hope, in that last breath, that so much will be revealed. Because, for myself, the "why's" have been fascinating and exciting. It is my hope that in my last breath I will understand fully the "why?" that is me. My name is Rueuhy and I approve this blog.
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