Hey! Yo Silver. Away!

Usually trilogies are tough to do.  Imagine finding enough source material or a story grand enough to make three consecutive movies from.  Star Wars took us to how many planets and solar systems?  Twilight took us through how many relationships?  And how many trolls and dragons will we go through for the Hobbit? But three is a good figure for most movie franchises.  What would have happened if we would have seen Tony in the nursing home in Godfather, The Retirement?  Or Lord of The Rings, Deagles revenge?  There are just some stories that don't require a fourth or fifth or even a sixth movie unless your first name happens to be Disney. (A seventh Star Wars?)  So I was mildly amused to see the fifth installment of Pirates of the Carribean, A Horse named Silver.  There will be a few spoilers included in this review but don't be alarmed - I won't mention how Jack Sparrow dies or the Island of Tortuga is actually controlled by a black smoke monster who used to be a man who was killed by his brother and has spent centuries devising a way to kill him so that he can leave the island and the people who crash land are actually all dead but you don't find out until the final episode - I just won't spoil it for you.  In this newest thriller we do see some replacements and foreign locations for Jack and the crew of the Black Pearl.  Actually the Black Pearl isn't even mentioned in this one.  We find Jack (I forgot - Captain Jack, sorry) in disguise as some weird psychopathic Comanche indian wondering around in the desert.  But before that, for some reason, he's been chained and padlocked in a train car with a blood thirsty cannibal named Butch Cavendish who is convincingly played by William Fichtner who played a bank manager in another trilogy with a guy named Bruce Wayne and some Joker.  Anyway, we find Johnny Depp without his trademark Rolling Stones outfit in a rail car. At some point further along in the movie we see the character of Will Turner has been replace by a guy named Arm N. Hammer.  He is best known as the baking soda king and played one of the Winklevoss twins in that Facebook movie.  Will Turner has been renamed John Reid and becomes deputized as a ranger who is lonely.  His brother takes off after Captain Barbossa who has been renamed Butch Cavendish.  Another spoiler - Keira Knightlly has been replaced by Ruth Wilson and her character's name is now Rebecca Reid who is married to John Reid's brother.  (I guess Disney wasn't charging enough for soda's at Disney World and just couldn't keep paying the high salaries the past actors were asking for.  So, John Reid dies.  And Jack Sparrow is gonna bury him until the real star of the movie, a horse, tells him not to because he is a spirit walker.  (The horse never actually says a word so it's mostly creative poo poo.  So, Will Turner, a.k.a. John Reid, puts a mask on and rides the silent talkative horse and the movie ends with all the bad guys dead and all the good guys alive.  And so ends a franchise.  If they would have only used Helena Bonham Carter opposite Johnny Depp it could have been a Tim Burton film. Oh.  Wait a minute.  She is in this one.  But, Johnny Depp is not a barber or a crazy hat fanatic.  I don't even think he's a real captain.  And there is no Tim Burton in the credits either.  So, if you really want to be confused go see this movie.  Another spoiler alert - everyone's favorite monkey is now a crow.  But, the scene where the horse is in the tree makes it worth it.  But sadly there are very few pirates.  And no wooden eye pranks.  But as far as a fifth installment of Pirates of the Carribean, this was more than could have been asked for.  My name is Rueuhy and I approve this blog.