So ... I'm watching The Truman Show (for the tenth time I believe) when I hear the loudest of the illegal fireworks exploding close to my house. Apparently, some neighborhood people (I only say people because I'm trying to keep this blog family friendly) decided that their yard was just not big enough so they decided the elementary school yard was the perfect place to light off their cannons. I live right across the street from this school so it was like being next door to a huge fireworks display (because I was next door to a huge fireworks display). Apparently they loaded up with fireworks from across the state lines (they're illegal here in our state) and decided to start lighting them off. Now, a couple of small crackers I can understand. But when the booming is going off for ten minutes straight I decided enough was enough. Quickly grabbing my Nitecore P25 Smilodon flashlight with the power of 860 lumens I decided to shine a little light on the subject. Approaching the fence line of the school I turned on my flashlight onto the suspects as they were having their fun. Now, a brief lesson on the power of 860 lumens. One lumen is like one burning candle. Now imagine taking 860 candles, focusing them into a tightly formed beam (my flashlight actually has built in heat sinks to absorb the heat). The specifications on my flashlight list it as 20,000 cd or candela rating. In other words, think bright headlights on a car. The obvious reaction from the two adults, one child, and their dog was similar to an animal caught in your headlights on a lone country road. I didn't just flash the light on for a second or two. Nope. I just held it on them for a couple of minutes. It was kind of intriguing watching them slowly stop (Oh, no, is it the police?) and then quickly picking up their evidence. Then I shut the flashlight off and proceeded back to my yard. Then the yelling began. Apparently it was rude of me to shine the light in their eyes. I was supposed to just let them have their fun. I inquired about what would happen if their child was burnt from the fireworks and who would pay for it? Well, that wasn't my concern because she had health coverage from public aid. And, the line I always love to hear - "Don't you know it's only one night a year and everybody's doing it?" This was from the caring mother who didn't mind her child's ears being burst from the fireworks or the potential for fire. And the caring father who was gonna kick my @@55 if I took one step closer to his wife. This was with the boy and his dog a couple of feet away. And then the classic line from the mother - "Don't you know it's for the children?" The celebration of the anniversary of declaration of independence by the United States has spread into two days of fireworks displays put on by the cities and countless fireworks displays being put on by the most careful of parents in the elementary school yards. And I should remember that all holidays are about the children now. And public aid will handle all blown off digit repair for the children. And I was the bad guy for shining a light on the subject. Fortunately for me, the Clintons didn't kick my butt or vandalize my vehicles. I guess it is a time for celebration. Oh, and did I mention the police never even showed up after I called them ten minutes before I shined my light on the Clintons? I almost forgot the best part. The reason they were so upset with me is I didn't have the courtesy to come ask them to quit exploding the loud illegal fireworks. Instead of being "man enough" to ask them politely to stop (He said he would have if I would have just asked him to stop.) I cowardly shined my flashlight on them. And then I would have been responsible if he would have lit a firework incorrectly once he was blinded by the light. I guess the intensity of standing a foot away from an exploding firework is a lot better than having a light being shined in your eyes from a hundred foot away. I guess since I decided to stay awake past 8 o'clock last night (She told me I should just go to bed since I was ruining the fun for everybody else) holds me in contempt in the public aid court of law. God bless the United States of America and what she's become. My name is Rueuhy and I approve this blog.
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