Life Without Maggie

A cool breeze flowed in through the window as Stan watched the neighborhood kids playing down the street. It was always on mornings such as this that the memories, so deeply ingrained within, would come trickling through and nostalgia would ripple through him. His neighbors, if they were to describe Stan, would probably use words like quiet and helpful and decent because those were the best words to describe him. Stan lived his life on the premise of "Do unto others as you would have them to do unto you". He never looked for any quick money schemes or held any visions of grandeur for himself. He enjoyed being the man who would quickly lend a hand to someone in need. But now something had changed and seemed very different for Stan. The days of helping and being there were simply not enough. It had been two weeks since Stan had woken up to find the lifeless body of his love laying next to him. It was still hard to imagine any kind of life without her. She had simply become a part of him and now that part was gone. If a person was to ask Stan to describe his life before he met Maggie, Stan would have had a lot of difficulty. For him life was nothing before he met her. On a cool, rainy day living as a bachelor in a small town Stan was as ordinary as they came. It was on the way to the market that day that he noticed the taxi dropping off a stranger. When the door opened and he saw her his life would change forever. She was not stunning or extravagant by any means. In fact, some would call her plain. But for Stan there was something different about Maggie and it was on this day he decided that he wouldn't really mind spending the rest of his life figuring out what that was exactly. In the following months Stan's life with Maggie made many changes for him. From being a bachelor to a married man and now an expectant father Stan was as happy as he could ever remember. And the memory of that life before Maggie would simply become the old Stan and a stranger as well. Years would pass and more children would come but his true love would always be that young woman stepping out of that cab on that cool, rainy October morning. No one would ever deny there were some small arguments between him and her but they would quickly pass and soon be forgotten. Stan felt a completeness with Maggie in his life. A soul mate if you prefer that term. And Maggie felt the same about Stan. Losing her father at such a young age was rather difficult for Maggie. She never quite let go of that loss and a boyfriend never seemed that important to her. It was actually quite a surprise when this young man, in a new town, came up to her and introduced himself. And she even surprised herself when she eagerly gave up her name to him. But there was something about Stan. It was as if the pain that had always lingered from that loss so long ago was eased a little that day. Stan was in no way any kind of replacement for her father but he was a glimpse of the memories she held dear of him. Gentle and kind with a subtle gleam in his eyes was a nice change from the men she had once grown so tired of back in New York. This was something new and unexpected. And for the next 45 years Stan would become the only man she could ever remember being passionate about. It was something special. Now, as Stan reminisced about that life he had shared so many years with her the pain overwhelmed him. Every time he looked towards the kitchen he would see her drinking a cold glass of tea while speaking to him about her day at the school. Or the cap from the toothpaste he would always have to put back on because she would forget. The newspaper, with the rubber band taken off, he would find by his chair every morning. These were now a memory becoming faded as each day turned into the next. The kids had grown and with such a small retirement Stan and Maggie had made the decision to move into a small efficiency apartment and he really did miss the old house. But he enjoyed the new neighborhood and new memories had been made in the short time they had lived here. But it was on mornings such as this he remembered Maggie so lovingly opening all the windows and exclaiming "Nothing like a nice cool breeze on a spring day." It was her favorite season as well as his. But this was too much to take. As the sound of a hurt child wafted through the window from the playground below Stan collapsed in a broken heap on the floor and began sobbing. "Why Maggie? How could you leave me?", he cried. Some pain is just too much and this was the beginning of a pain that tore into the very soul of a man who had never asked for little more than just his fair chance at life. After 45 years of living as one with a woman he would forever adore, Stan could see no other future. He couldn't begin to imagine a different life. This was just too much of life being unfair. His completeness had been sheared in two. There was only the past now. He really couldn't even grasp the beginning of something new. As he lay there, gasping and sobbing, with only the thought of Maggie echoing through his mind, he almost didn't even hear the loud banging on the door. "Mr. Jamison, are you alright?" No, he thought. No, I'm not alright. With all the effort he could muster he pulled himself up off the floor and wiped his eyes. As he opened the door he was surprised to see his young neighbor from down the hall. He had spoken to Tim several times and now he felt really embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you Mr. Jamison but this letter was put in my box by mistake and I thought you would want it." Stan looked for a moment at Tim and then looked down at the letter. With all the strength he could muster Stan smiled at Tim and apologized for his condition. "It's just been so hard without her.", was all he could thing to say. The neighbor, who didn't really know them that well, nodded his head. "I didn't really know your wife that well but she seemed like such a kind lady. I was really sorry to hear about it." Stan thanked Tim and then retreated back to his chair. The letter was addressed to him but the return address was his daughter's. As he opened the envelope he found a short note and an old letter inside. The note, written by his daughter, quickly brought more confusion to him on a day already filled with enough. "I'm sorry I couldn't get the time off of work to visit with you but I thought you might need this. I love you dad and I hope this helps you. Love, Kathy" As his eyes focused on the handwriting on the letter he soon recognized the handwriting of his beloved Maggie. It was a single page but it took a long time to finish through the tears. "Dear Kathy, I don't know how much more time I'll have left but I wanted you to know a couple of things in case we don't get a chance to make it up to your place. I haven't felt well these past few weeks but I didn't want to tell your father 'cause you know how worried he gets about me. But I wanted you to know how wonderful these past 45 years have been with your dad. I know how hard it's been with you and Tony but like all good things this too shall pass as they say. You have something really wonderful with him and I know Tony can be a little hard headed but give him some time. I know he felt like he wasn't ready to be a father but I know he's got a lot of sense to him and you two will figure this all out. I will always remember that first day I met your father. I was just getting into town and there was this tall young man just smiling at me as I was walking away from the taxi. I had been in town less than two minutes when I met its first resident. And I just can't remember a whole lot before that moment. You see, what I'm trying to tell you Kathy is sometimes the little things become so important to us we forget the big things. Like how much someone means to us and that little thing get in the way of the "I love you's". I'm not saying a surprise baby is a little thing but it's not as important as the two of you. He is special and I hope you two can work it out. I don't know what I would have done without your father all these years but I know life just wouldn't have been worth living if I wouldn't have had a chance to find out. If I go before he does I know it will be hard on him because he loves me so much. But I know he's got you and John to look out for him so I'm not as worried. I really wish I could get 45 more years with him but I just don't think it will be so. I love you Kathy and I'm praying for you. Just give him a little time and it will work itself out. Sometimes life is worth more than just being right. Usually it's worth it all the time. I love you, Mom." As Stan finished a small smile formed on his lips and he gently whispered "I love you too Maggie. I miss you." Stan sat back down by the window and watched the children for a little while longer. As the cool breeze gently wafted in the window Stan opened his eyes for one last time and smiled and simply said, "Maggie". It wouldn't be for the next two days that they would find Stan sitting in his chair holding a faded letter. But the coroner did note that in his 30 years of practice he had never seen a death in such a calm and relaxed way. It was almost as if this man had just simply given up and let death envelope him. There was not fear but rather just a calm expectation of it. And what more could we ask for in the end. My name is Rueuhy and I approve this blog.