The Procedure

Emily was surprised to find the waiting room so quiet. It was tranquil with the paintings and arrangement of furniture. If there was something Emily could use more of it was some tranquility in her life. Her friends joked about how she would describe her life to strangers. Noisy was her favorite adjective. When her best friend Serena first met her she was quietly sitting in her dorm room sobbing in a corner. Serena never rejected her or made light of Emily's condition. And perhaps that was the secret to a friendship that had lasted so long. Although her friend didn't understand what Emily went through, her compassion was the needed medicine. And it had been a blessing all these years. Through her miscarriages and divorce, Emily had held on to Serena as a drowning man would cling to a floating piece of wreckage in a violent storm. She had been an answer to a prayer never prayed. And now even that was being pulled into the violent ocean of emotions and anquish Emily felt. Serena had asked her to wait for her as she met with the doctor to discuss the latest results from the last round of chemo she had received. Emily was still in shock that her friend, her best friend, was fighting a losing battle for her own life. "What kind of God plays such a cruel joke on his own creation?" Emily muttered to an empty room. She had been brought up as a Roman Catholic but had never felt a real connection to God. She believed but she definitely would not describe it as some kind of deep relationship. And this was the final straw as far as she was concerned. "First mom, then Jenny, and now Serena? What kind of a sick ..." Her Catechism classes from so long ago had instilled enough respect within her to stop her from continuing with her statement. "Why God? What's the point?" Her questions went unanswered as she sat there. "Hey. 'Ja miss me?" Serena asked. Emily had not even noticed her friend come out of the doctor's office. "Never.", Emily joked back at her. The best part of her relationship with Serena was the complete trust she felt with her. Even now, with her life ending, Serena was more worried about Emily then she was about herself. "Did it work?", Emily asked. The silence was answer enough. Emily began sobbing but Serena just grabbed her and quietly consoled her. Emily couldn't hold back. "It's just not fair. You've never hurt anyone or did anything worth dying for. How? How can you just ..." The tears and pain overwhelmed her as they sat in silence. Even now, with the worse news she had ever been given, Serena was the pillar of strength Emily had never been. But now she was lost beyond words. "Hey, I'm the one that should be balling." Serena smiled at her best friend and suddenly Emily, out of nervousness and pain, was able to force a smile back. "I just don't know what I'm gonna do without you." Serena smiled and said, "Well, I'm not dead yet." The two walked out and drove back to the flat they had lived in the past two years. The next few weeks were a blur as Serena's body gave into the cancer. After the funeral, without feeling much of anything, Emily received an envelope addressed to her from Serena. "What's this?" she thought to herself. She hadn't worked in weeks and now the bills were pretty much it for mail so the personal envelope was not expected. She slowly opened the letter and smiled for the first time in what felt like an eternity. "Dear Emily, I know you probably haven't been doing too good but I wanted to give you this after I was gone because I know how stubborn you are and you would never agree to see a doctor about your problem if I was still here. I know this is probably the last thing you want to try but I felt that if I was still alive you wouldn't take a chance on someone else. I hope you'll listen to me now in death what I wanted for you to have while I was still there for you. His name is Doctor William Anderson and I think he can give you the answers that will help you. Here's his card and he is expecting your call. Love, Serena." Emily sat quietly and laid the letter down. "She'll never give up. Even when she's dead. I love you Serena." A wave of tears came and flooded her senses. But she would call. She would do it for Serena if she couldn't do it for herself. Doctor Anderson's office was downstate and Emily arrived early as she had always done most of her life. As she sat in the waiting room a familiar sense of tranquility she had felt only weeks before while waiting for Serena returned. "It is quite lovely" she said out loud. "Yes, the room?" the elderly lady sitting across from her asked. "Yes" Emily responded. The old woman nodded her head and returned to the quilt in her lap. It was a beautiful pattern Emily thought. It reminded her of her grandmother who had died when Emily was 16. Nana would have loved that, she thought to herself. "Miss Roberts?" the receptionist called out. "Yes" Emily answered. "Doctor Anderson will see you now. It's the first door on your left." Emily quietly stood and smiled at the lady that reminded her so much of her Nana. "Good luck Miss." she said and gave Emily a lovely little smile. As Emily knocked on the door she could hear a single "Come!" and she opened the door. Dr. Anderson looked at her in that clinical way and asked, "You're Serena's friend? I was really sorry to hear about her passing." "Yes, thank you." Emily struggled not to let the tears surface as he motioned her to the chair. "I understand you've suffered most of your life with the headaches and anxiety. You're not on any medication at the moment?" "No sir. Not for a long time." "Well, hopefully we can do something about what you're going through. Can you tell me a little bit about it?" Emily was surprised to hear how common her condition sounded to him. But she had to trust someone. "Ever since I was little I've always thought about things too much. It gets so noisy up there. My mom, before she died, used to always tell me to try not to over think everything but I just can't Doctor. I've never been able to really enjoy life because, well, it's too noisy up here." She pointed to her head and Doctor Anderson nodded his. "Well, Emily, I've studied your test results and your past medical history and what you're suffering from is a condition many others suffer from but few ever receive the proper treatment for it. It's usually misdiagnosed as depression. Basically people just get tired from thinking so much and this causes a deficiency in a hormone the body, specifically the brain, produces. It's very similar to the hormone meth users replace with continued use. After so many years the body adapts the best that it can but there is an increased percentage of suicides that result from the condition. It is treatable but the procedure is quite invasive into the brain. Effectively, we remove the area that effects the production of the hormone and that allows increased production to occur. Close to natural levels that most others experience. But we'll have to perform a lot more testing and verify this is really what is going on with you." For the first time in her life, even with the help she had always received from Serena, she felt there was an answer to her condition. Even if it meant removing part of her brain. But she knew she could not continue on like this forever. Something would have to be done. My name is Rueuhy and I approve this blog.